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(Fic) A Short Play, in One Act

11th January 2012 (16:41)

My initial reaction to reading today's Season 9 'Buffy' comic... in the form of a short play. :)

SCENE: The house of Joss Whedon, in the year 2011.

An expensive Beverley Hills mansion overlooking Hollywood. Sitting on chairs and sofas pulled into a circle in the front room are JOSS WHEDON, ZACK WHEDON, ANDREW CHAMBLISS, JANE ESPENSON, SCOTT ALLIE, and DREW GREENBERG.

FADE UP at the end of Joss's initial presentation.


JOSS: ...So that's the pitch for Season 9: back to basics. There's no more magic, so Buffy has to face more normal, human-scale challenges. So let's brainstorm some ideas!

DREW: I assume the idea is to cause the maximum emotional pain and suffering to the poor girl?

JOSS: Well, obviously. 

ANDREW: How about...

ANDREW (CON'T): ... killing one of her friends?

JOSS: I like what I'm hearing so far. Go on.

SCOTT: We could kill Spike!

JANE: I''ve told you already, Scott, the fans wouldn't go for that.

SCOTT: Awww.

JANE: But could we kill Dawn instead? Huh?

ZACK: Joss, don't you think killing your characters is getting a bit clichéd?

JOSS: What? I didn't kill anybody in Firefly...

JANE: Only because it was cancelled before you got chance. You sure made up for that in the movie, Mr "Leaf on the Wind".

JOSS: But killing people's friends brings such wonderful misery and despair.

SCOTT: Do you have to actually kill them? Couldn't someone just, like, lose an arm or something?

DREW: Buffy could lose her arm.

ZACK: And it would be all metaphorical and shit. 'She's lost her right hand'.

JOSS: I like it! But this is a brainstorming session, so let's hear some more ideas.

JANE: How about if Buffy gets pregnant?

JOSS: No, that wouldn't work. No magic, so no more mystical pregnancies.

JANE: No, Joss, I mean a perfectly normal human pregnancy.

JOSS: But...

JANE: No magic or demons or mystical phlebotinum or anything. 

JOSS: I... my God, you're a genius! I'd never have thought of that!

SCOTT: Who would be the father?

JOSS: We'll work that part out later when we come to it. 

ANDREW: So, you want me to write a Buffy pregnancy story? Or do I write about her losing her arm?

SCOTT: They'd both be controversial storylines. It would get us lots of publicity.

(Everybody else glares at Scott)

SCOTT: Um, I mean they'd both be artistically valid and meaningful stories. *koff*

ZACK: So, Joss, which will it be? Pregnant Buffy or maimed Buffy?

CLOSE UP on Joss. An evil grin spreads slowly across his face as creepy music plays in the background.

JOSS: We'll do BOTH!



Actual review of the issue coming later...

Comments

Posted by: coalitiongirl (coalitiongirl)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 17:07 (UTC)

Well, I just used this on a post of yours a minute ago, but if Joss can repeat himself again and again, so can I:


(although if this is the actual point of the season, I'm okay with it. Mostly.)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 17:25 (UTC)

:)
I cling to the fact that Joss is clever enough to *know* he has this reputation with his fans by now - and he's also twisted enough to exploit it deliberately.

Posted by: lusciousxander (lusciousxander)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 17:08 (UTC)
LOL by quietdiscerning

LOL!!!!!! I can actually see the fans' names replacing Joss' and the other writers. I'm the one who says this: "Joss, don't you think killing your characters is getting a bit clichéd?"

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 17:27 (UTC)

Thanks!

I gave that line to Zack because as his brother, he maybe feels more free to call Joss out over stuff like this.

You might also have noticed me poking a little gentle fun at Scott Allie - or at least his reputation in fandom - with the "Let's kill Spike!" line. :)

Posted by: lusciousxander (lusciousxander)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 19:37 (UTC)

You might also have noticed me poking a little gentle fun at Scott Allie - or at least his reputation in fandom - with the "Let's kill Spike!" line. :)

Yeah, that's why I said it's like fans talking. :) I think there are more suggestions that happened off-screen. After all, there are 16 issues after #8 filled with crazy and Buffy-torture.

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 18:14 (UTC)

Apparently, yes. The last-page cliffhanger of this issue is Buffy looking at a pregnancy test stick with a blue cross in the window. The losing an arm part is only a spoiler for a later issue, though: it's not actually happened yet. There may still be a twist or fake-out coming along.

Personally, though, I think Joss is veering into Monty Python territory here. A combination of the Four Yorkshiremen sketch ("Hah! I got my arm chopped off, AND I was pregnant at the time!" "Just the one arm? Luxury!") and the Black Knight from 'Holy Grail'...

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: erimthar (erimthar)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 18:40 (UTC)

Buffy's breast cancer diagnosis will have to wait for the second half of the season... because that would just be too much.

After reading this new issue, I had an epiphany:

I really don't like season 9 much at all.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th January 2012 02:14 (UTC)

Sorry to hear that. I actually thought this issue was one of the best for a long time.

Posted by: relurker (relurker)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 19:20 (UTC)

You're fun...I'm perfectly content with reading your reviews without having to set my eyes on the comic itself...
; )

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th January 2012 02:15 (UTC)

Why thank you. :)

But without getting the comics you don't get to see the art...

Posted by: Barb (rahirah)
Posted at: 12th January 2012 03:42 (UTC)

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Posted by: mikeda (mikeda)
Posted at: 11th January 2012 23:55 (UTC)

On the other hand, it might be fun to have the father be Spike. Via an unintentional mystical assist by Severin at the end of 9.4...

Not that I ACTUALLY think that's what's going to happen. Or even really want that to happen. But I can just hear Spike protesting that the whole thing is impossible...

And then we see the baby looking like a miniature version of Spike...

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th January 2012 02:17 (UTC)

I don't think they'd go there for real, but it would be funny if they teased or hinted at it. Say the baby has blue eyes,and everybody assumes that means Spike was the father, until someone points out that lots of babies have blue eyes when they're born...

Posted by: mikeda (mikeda)
Posted at: 12th January 2012 11:11 (UTC)

"Since when do babies have hair that looks like THAT?"

:-)

Posted by: Elena (moscow_watcher)
Posted at: 16th January 2012 10:14 (UTC)

Heee!

And:

Joss: Oh, by the way, I love Veronica Mars so much I want to reuse its most controversial arc. Let's make Buffy blacked out so that she doesn't know who she has sex with and if it was consensual. I'll write the first issue personally and will throw in as many suspects as possible.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 17th January 2012 18:05 (UTC)

Well, you're assuming there that he actually wanted there to be controversy over consent. Which is not proven. ;)

Posted by: Elena (moscow_watcher)
Posted at: 17th January 2012 19:30 (UTC)

Agree. But the controversy is here, whether he wanted it or not. I personally don't think he wanted it. I think amnesia is a plot necessity, because the identity of the father is part of a complex mystery.

Posted by: treadingthedark (treadingthedark)
Posted at: 16th January 2012 20:57 (UTC)

ANDREW: So, you want me to write a Buffy pregnancy story? Or do I write about her losing her arm?
SCOTT: They'd both be controversial storylines. It would get us lots of publicity.
(Everybody else glares at Scott)
SCOTT: Um, I mean they'd both be artistically valid and meaningful stories. *koff*

Bwahahaha!!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 17th January 2012 18:03 (UTC)

:)

Hey, it's his job to think about the bottom line!

Posted by: Becky (joans_journal)
Posted at: 19th January 2012 18:47 (UTC)

JOSS: But killing people's friends brings such wonderful misery and despair.

Ha!

This post is hilarious, Stephen! Thank for sharing.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 19th January 2012 22:13 (UTC)

:)
Glad you liked it!

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