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(Fic) Buffy kills something with a kitchen implement and has sex with Spike afterwards

24th February 2010 (12:04)
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I mentioned this story idea in a comment and both gabrielleabelle  and penny_lane_42  insisted I write it. So...

100 words, Spike/Buffy, Rating 12.

Feel free to adopt this plotbunny and give it a new home. We could make it a ficathon!



Buffy kills something with a kitchen implement and has sex with Spike afterwards

"A colander, Slayer? Really?"

"What? You don't like my technique?"

"No, actually, I was thinking of making a Caesar salad for lunch and now I'll have to wash the blood off first."

"Wash the blood...? Okay, who killed vampire Spike and put a human doppelganger in his place? Ooh, it's like that time with Willow except in reverse!"

"You think I'm not real, eh? I'll show you who's real!"

"And just how do you expect to--aah! Oh! Mmmm!"

...

"So, am I real?"

"Mmm, dunno. You could still be a fake Spike. I'll have to do some more checking..."
 

 


Comments

Posted by: Denita (menomegirl)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 12:16 (UTC)

*snorfle* A colander? LOL.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 12:32 (UTC)

Spike has the same thought you did. ;-)

Posted by: Denita (menomegirl)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 12:50 (UTC)
Buffy What?

Ha!

I read this: What? You don't like my technique? and was oddly reminded of the movie War of the Roses.

Posted by: Mrs Darcy (elisi)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 12:57 (UTC)
LOL by killmebecomeme

Brilliant! Although *how* do you kill something with a colander?

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 13:37 (UTC)

It was a gelatinous demon; every time Buffy or Spike punched it, it just flowed away and re-formed again. So Buffy grabbed the colander, put it over the demon's head-equivalent, and pushed down very hard. Bits of demon jelly got squeezed out of each individual hole in the colander, disrupting its form and making it impossible for it to reconstitute itself.

Aren't you glad you asked? :-)

(Alternatively, you could just hit something ove the head with it, I suppose, epecially if it was a metal colander).

Posted by: Mrs Darcy (elisi)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 13:44 (UTC)
gratification by buttersideup.

Aren't you glad you asked? :-)
Yes!! :D

Posted by: Elena (moscow_watcher)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 18:11 (UTC)

Buffy is a very inventive girl :)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:34 (UTC)

It's practically her trademark. ;-)

Posted by: Lily (lavastar)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 01:23 (UTC)

Omigod that is actually awesome can this be real life please

Posted by: The Anti-OTP (snowpuppies)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 13:48 (UTC)

Hee!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 15:18 (UTC)

:-)

Posted by: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 14:10 (UTC)
Vi

Gelatinous demons have blood?

Anyway - heeee! And I love Buffy's "Ooh, it's like that time with Willow except in reverse!"

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 15:19 (UTC)

These ones do.

(Although it's possible Spike wasn't being entirely serious there...)

Thanks!

Posted by: lara beckinsale (larabeckinsale)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 14:17 (UTC)

LOL.. Brilliant!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 15:18 (UTC)

Thanks! :-)

Posted by: The One Who Isn't Chosen (gabrielleabelle)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 17:59 (UTC)
bff

See, this? This is why you are awesome.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:34 (UTC)

I'm awesome for more reasons than just this, you know.
*waggles eyebrows roguishly*
:-)

Posted by: Elena (moscow_watcher)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 18:13 (UTC)

Heee! :)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:34 (UTC)

:-)

Posted by: candleanfeather (candleanfeather)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 19:33 (UTC)

:D. But now I'm stuck with this image of mashed demon passing through the little holes of the colender. You're evil!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:35 (UTC)

Well, I didn't really intend to spell it out so graphically, but people wanted to know...

Thanks!

Posted by: The Mezzanine (deird1)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 20:25 (UTC)

Hee! How fun!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:35 (UTC)

Not for the demon...
;-)

Posted by: Emmie (angearia)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:11 (UTC)
Buffy - Hee!

LOL! I love his "A colander, Slayer? Really?"

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 21:36 (UTC)

How to write Buffy and Spike, part one:

Spike: sarcastic.
Buffy: pouty.

;-)

Posted by: Emmie (angearia)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 22:42 (UTC)
Buffy Happy Superhero

Here's my contribution. :)

Posted by: brutti_ma_buoni (brutti_ma_buoni)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 22:39 (UTC)

I once killed a mouse with a colander. *Flashbacks.*

But otoh, I now have my first thing ever in common with Buffy, and am expecting Spike to arrive at any moment, so there's no bad here.

Posted by: Lily (lavastar)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 01:25 (UTC)

Ohhhhh god oh god oh god.

Did...oh, not sure I want to know but I have to ask...did it squeeze out through the holes?

*barfs*

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:49 (UTC)

I suspect you'd need superstrength to do that; a normal human would just beat the mouse over the head with the colander...

Posted by: brutti_ma_buoni (brutti_ma_buoni)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 19:10 (UTC)

Or, as it turns out, drown the trapped mouse in the sink by compressing it with a colander.

It was gross. But at least it didn't squeeze thru the holes.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:48 (UTC)

Before Spike turns up, you have to get through Angel, Parker and Riley, I'm afraid... and Satsu is waiting her turn. :-)

Posted by: brutti_ma_buoni (brutti_ma_buoni)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 19:12 (UTC)

Hmm. May I beat Parker over the head with the colander, at least?

Posted by: Lirazel (penny_lane_42)
Posted at: 24th February 2010 23:58 (UTC)
[btvs] giggle

Thank you for obliging me! This is as fun as I imagined it!

And I swear, when I read "Buffy kills something with a kitchen implement and has sex with Spike afterwards," this line: "A colander, Slayer? Really?" almost exactly, popped into my head. Except mine read: "A spatula? Really?"

It's kind of alarming that your mind worked exactly the same way mine did.

Anyways, thanks for following through and proving you aren't a tease! ;)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:51 (UTC)

I think a colander is funnier, though. :-p

And i'm neither a tease nor a hussy, shameless or otherwise. :-)

Thanks!

Posted by: Lirazel (penny_lane_42)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 19:17 (UTC)
[btvs] boom

I agree: a colander is funnier. I was just highly amused that we both went there.

And i'm neither a tease nor a hussy, shameless or otherwise. :-)
As you have amply proven, though I think Emmie might still call you one; she seems quite taken with the idea.

You're welcome!

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:51 (UTC)


:-)
Thanks!

Posted by: zanthinegirl (zanthinegirl)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 01:10 (UTC)
eyebrow

LOL! though now I'm trying to picture how you could kill something with a colander...

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:52 (UTC)

If you really want to know, see my reply to elisi above...

Thanks!

Posted by: Lily (lavastar)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 01:27 (UTC)

Hahaha! EXCELLENT.

That is all.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:52 (UTC)

:-)

Posted by: ubi4soft (ubi4soft)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 04:13 (UTC)

After I look it up in the dictionary was it a plastic or a metal colander? Stupid question, anyway!

Please continue with the fun!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:53 (UTC)

I'm thinking solid stainless steel. A plastic one wouldn't last very long in Buffy's kitchen. :-)

Thanks!

Posted by: Caroline (jamalov29)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 13:18 (UTC)
Arkadius Pic

What lovely fun!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:53 (UTC)

Merci beaucoup!

Posted by: dorians_kitten (dorians_kitten)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 14:22 (UTC)

Too fun to resist. You can find my contribution here:
http://dorians-kitten.livejournal.com/38305.html#cutid1

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 25th February 2010 18:54 (UTC)

Yay!

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