I've probably gone mad, but anyway: here's a ficlet for you all. It contains spoilers for Doctor Who 31/5.03 and Buffy 8.34, and features everybody's favourite genocidal pepperpots (which means lots of dialogue in CA-PI-TAL LET-TERS). Enjoy!
796 words, rating PG, Doctor Who/Buffy crossover.
"Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall".
A Crack In Space
Dalek 473-C pressed its plunger over the data output node and studied the readouts. Everything on board the spaceship was functioning at maximum efficiency, which was to be expected. The latest report from the operatives on the planet below was satisfactory. Despite being surrounded by non-Dalek lifeforms, they had so far managed to avoid exterminating them prematurely. Their dedication to the mission and willingness to follow orders showed them to be true Daleks, and reflected well on 473-C, which had selected them for this mission.
Dalek 473-C seethed with suppressed rage, which was the Dalek equivalent of what - in a lesser race - might be considered quiet contentment.
Its omnidirectional sensor detected movement, and 473-C swivelled its eyestalk to see Dalek 152836 gliding smoothly across the control room towards it. Such a break from routine could only mean trouble.
"WE HAVE DE-TEC-TED AN AN-OM-ALY."
Dalek 152836 activated the viewscreen repeater, to reveal an external view from the orbiting spaceship. The beauty of the blue and white planet beneath them was, of course, lost on both Daleks; they were interested only in the small object travelling rapidly past them. Since this was a Dalek ship, the object was already at the centre of crosshairs, with targetting data scrolling down the screen. However, Dalek 473-C restrained its immediate impulse to open fire. It regarded the data with puzzlement.
"THE OB-JECT APPEARS TO BE AN OR-GAN-IC LIFE-FORM OF EARTH O-RI-GIN. SEN-SORS DET-ECT NO EN-ER-GY SOURCES OR MECH-AN-ISMS."
"IN-COR-RECT. IT IS TWO LIFE-FORMS LINKED TO-GE-THER. ONE HU-MAN MALE AND ONE HU-MAN FE-MALE."
"LINKED--?" Dalek 473-C took a closer look at the data, then felt its internal core temperature rise by 0.054%. The Daleks had left such fleshy entanglements behind when they left Skaro, and Dalek 473-C, for one, was glad of it.
Still, what it was observing appeared to be impossible. Unless... a nasty idea occurred to it.
"CON-FIRM. CON-FIRM. THE LIFE-FORMS ARE HU-MAN?"
"I CAN-NOT CON-FIRM. THERE IS IN-TER-FER-ENCE WITH THE SEN-SORS."
Dalek 473-C's concern deepened into real fear.
"SET THE SEN-SORS TO DE-TECT TIME LORD TECH-NO-LO-GY."
Dalek 152836 froze with shock at that order, and its movements were jittery and uncertain. But it obeyed, and studied the readouts for several rels before replying, its voice rising to a high pitch at the end:
"REA-DING IN-CON-CLU-SIVE. WHAT ARE YOUR OR-DERS?"
Dalek 473-C revved its servo motors in agitation, causing its lower body to spin to and fro on the spot. Was it the Doctor? The briefings indicated that he was often accompanied by a human female, although there was no record of them engaging in activities quite like this before. Maybe he'd had a new regeneration?
What to do, what to do? Dalek 473-C grew frustrated and angry - angry even for a Dalek. There was, of course, a simple and obvious order to give, and normally it wouldn't hesitate. But the Doctor always had some cunning plan or scheme going on, and maybe that was exactly what he wanted 473-C to do? Would he be falling straight into the Doctor's trap?
Fear and rage warred inside it. It had its mission to complete, but the hated enemy of its race was (possibly) right there in front of it, a sitting target. Or maybe they really were two ordinary humans... but humans equipped with some unknown technology that permitted them to reach orbit. Technology which the planet Earth in this era of history should not possess. That meant they were a threat to the Daleks.
That decided it. It felt an immense sense of relief as the situation simplified itself around it, and it gave the order Dalek 152836 had been waiting for all along.
Buffy's fingernails clawed at Angel's back as yet another wave of ecstasy rose up inside her, pulsing higher and higher. Eyes closed in pure pleasure, she flung her head back to scream, silent in the empty vastness of space, as her orgasm ripped through her...
...Then a hideously powerful Dalek deathray hit the two of them dead centre.
It didn't hurt them, of course, since they were now invulnerable. But the shock of the irresistible force hitting the immovable object was too much for the fragile fabric of reality to bear. It ripped asunder, a long crack racing out on either side of the entwined couple, tearing space apart, rippling forwards and backwards through time. The Dalek warship was caught in it, hurled into a vortex that sent it back 70 Earth years in time.
Buffy panted for breath - which was a little impractical in space, but she did it anyway - and looked around. What the hell had that been?
She looked at Angel with newfound respect, and mouthed the words, "Do that again!"