StephenT (stormwreath) wrote,

(Fic) A Short Play, in One Act

My initial reaction to reading today's Season 9 'Buffy' comic... in the form of a short play. :)

SCENE: The house of Joss Whedon, in the year 2011.

An expensive Beverley Hills mansion overlooking Hollywood. Sitting on chairs and sofas pulled into a circle in the front room are JOSS WHEDON, ZACK WHEDON, ANDREW CHAMBLISS, JANE ESPENSON, SCOTT ALLIE, and DREW GREENBERG.

FADE UP at the end of Joss's initial presentation.

JOSS: ...So that's the pitch for Season 9: back to basics. There's no more magic, so Buffy has to face more normal, human-scale challenges. So let's brainstorm some ideas!

DREW: I assume the idea is to cause the maximum emotional pain and suffering to the poor girl?

JOSS: Well, obviously. 

ANDREW: How about...

ANDREW (CON'T): ... killing one of her friends?

JOSS: I like what I'm hearing so far. Go on.

SCOTT: We could kill Spike!

JANE: I''ve told you already, Scott, the fans wouldn't go for that.

SCOTT: Awww.

JANE: But could we kill Dawn instead? Huh?

ZACK: Joss, don't you think killing your characters is getting a bit clichéd?

JOSS: What? I didn't kill anybody in Firefly...

JANE: Only because it was cancelled before you got chance. You sure made up for that in the movie, Mr "Leaf on the Wind".

JOSS: But killing people's friends brings such wonderful misery and despair.

SCOTT: Do you have to actually kill them? Couldn't someone just, like, lose an arm or something?

DREW: Buffy could lose her arm.

ZACK: And it would be all metaphorical and shit. 'She's lost her right hand'.

JOSS: I like it! But this is a brainstorming session, so let's hear some more ideas.

JANE: How about if Buffy gets pregnant?

JOSS: No, that wouldn't work. No magic, so no more mystical pregnancies.

JANE: No, Joss, I mean a perfectly normal human pregnancy.

JOSS: But...

JANE: No magic or demons or mystical phlebotinum or anything. 

JOSS: I... my God, you're a genius! I'd never have thought of that!

SCOTT: Who would be the father?

JOSS: We'll work that part out later when we come to it. 

ANDREW: So, you want me to write a Buffy pregnancy story? Or do I write about her losing her arm?

SCOTT: They'd both be controversial storylines. It would get us lots of publicity.

(Everybody else glares at Scott)

SCOTT: Um, I mean they'd both be artistically valid and meaningful stories. *koff*

ZACK: So, Joss, which will it be? Pregnant Buffy or maimed Buffy?

CLOSE UP on Joss. An evil grin spreads slowly across his face as creepy music plays in the background.

JOSS: We'll do BOTH!

Actual review of the issue coming later...
Tags: buffy, fic, meta, season 9
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