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Transcript: Buffy Unaired Pilot

16th January 2008 (02:31)
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A question moscow_watcher      asked on BuffyForums recently revealed something rather interesting: there's apparently no transcript available online of the orignal unaired pilot episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or if there is, nobody there could find it.

Well, there is one now. :-) I transcribed this directly from the AVI of the episode, so there may be a few errors that have crept in: if you spot any please let me know. I also assigned names to certain characters - Harmony, Jonathan and Darla - who were not identified in the pilot, but would appear in later episodes. Incidentally, it's quite interesting to see how some dialogue and scenes made it into 'Welcome to the Hellmouth' unchanged, and other parts were completely altered. 

Usual copyright disclaimers apply.

ETA: I've posted a review of the episode here.


BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
UNAIRED PILOT

Written by Joss Whedon
1996

Transcribed by Stormwreath
14/15 January 2008

 TEASER


EXT.  BERRYMAN HIGH SCHOOL - NIGHT

Establishing shot panning along the school's exterior. Note that in the pilot it's called 'Berryman' not 'Sunnydale' High School.


INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM - NIGHT

A dark, empty classroom. Rows of desks, a human skeleton hanging from a stand, a side table with scientific equipment.

We PAN slowly towards the window when: CRASH! The window shatters. A hand comes in and fumbles for the latch, opens the window.

We see a teenage BOY and his girlfriend, who isn't actually named in the pilot; but she's played by Julie Benz and so we'll call her DARLA.

DARLA
Are you sure this is a good idea?

BOY
It's a great idea.

He climbs through the window, helps Darla to get through.

DARLA
So, you go to school here?

BOY
I used to.

DARLA
Nice.

BOY
Gets better. You alright?

He takes her hand and leads her out of the classroom.


INT - SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT

The school auditorium has a stage which is being dressed for a play: odd doors and staircases leading nowhere. Darla wanders in, fascinated.

DARLA
Wow.

The boy walks over to a CONSOLE and hits a button. A TRAPDOOR opens in the stage floor just next to Darla's feet. She jumps back with a gasp.

BOY
Pretty cool, huh?

DARLA
I could have fallen.

BOY
I would have caught you.

He kisses her. But she suddenly breaks the kiss, looks around in alarm.

DARLA
Oh, what was that?

BOY
(no clue)
What was what?

DARLA
(worried)
I heard a noise.

BOY
It's nothing.

DARLA
Maybe it's something.

BOY
Maybe it's someTHING!

DARLA
That's not funny.

BOY
(shouts)
Hello?
(to Darla)
There's nobody here.

DARLA
Are you sure?

BOY
I'm sure.

DARLA
Okay.

And with that she MORPHS INTO VAMPFACE and BITES down on his neck with a hungry growl.

END OF TEASER
OPENING CREDITS


EXT. BERRYMAN HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

The start of a new school day. A huge crowd of students make their way to the entrance.

We focus on a pair of FEET walking up the steps from the street. Clad in a short red skirt and sneakers. REVERSE AND PAN UP to reveal BUFFY. She's currently blowing bubblegum. She seems a little lost; then pulls out a PIECE OF PAPER from her purse and consults it, then walks forward into the school more confidently.


INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY

Busy and bustling, just like the outside. Buffy walks down the corridor with PRINCIPAL FLUTIE.

FLUTIE
I don't think you'll have any
problem adjusting, Bunny.

BUFFY
'Buffy'.

FLUTIE
Just remember our personal rules.
No gang colours, no fur. No hanging
from the rafters in the cafeteria
screaming "Meat is murder!" on
Sloppy Joe day. That became very
popular last month, had to put my foot down.

BUFFY
(trying to interrupt)
Principal Flutie...

FLUTIE
Betty?

BUFFY
I just want you to...
'Buffy'.
...to know that I'm not going to
cause trouble. There's not going to be
any incidents like at my old school.

FLUTIE
Well, I certainly hope not.

BUFFY
No. I'm here to have fun.
(beat)
But, I mean... learning.
Fun with learning.

FLUTIE
Don't worry. I think you'll fit in just fine.


EXT.  SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Kids hang out and wander up and down. WILLOW is sitting on a stone bench, by herself, reading a book and looking rather different to the way she will appear in later episodes. She turns round as XANDER calls her name, running over towards her. He's carrying a skateboard.

XANDER
Willow! You're so very much
the person I wanted to see.

WILLOW
(pleased)
Oh, really?

XANDER
Yeah. You know, I kinda have
a problem with the math.

WILLOW
(not so pleased)
Which part?

XANDER
The math.
(He sits)
Can you help me out third period?
Please be my study buddy?

She finds it hard to resist his charm.

WILLOW
(flirty)
What's in it for me?

XANDER
A shiny nickel...

WILLOW
Okay. But you shouldn't be having
a problem with it, Xander. Mr Worth
says you never pay attention.

She gets up to go.

XANDER
I pay attention! Just not to him.


Willow walks off across the courtyard, where her path crosses that of CORDELIA, HARMONY and another CORDETTE.

CORDELIA
Willow! Nice dress.
(Willow walks away quickly)
Good to know you've seen
the softer side of Sears.

The girls laugh at Willow's humiliation. As they do, a handsome GUY walks up to them.

GUY
Hey, Cordelia! Are you
going to the Bronze tonight?

CORDELIA
Not with you.

She walks off, leaving him cold. Harmony follows her, confused.

HARMONY
But we're going, right?

CORDETTE
Who's playing?

HARMONY
Dingoes Ate My Baby. They rock.

A badly dressed student walks past them.

CORDELIA
Grunge, wow! What a new look!
(To the other two)
I know flannel's so over but I
can never tell what's coming next!

Xander rushes over, trying to join in their conversation.

XANDER
I don't know about you but I'm scared.

CORDELIA
Excuse me, was I talking to you?
Has any girl ever spoken to you
 of her own free will? I don't think so.

XANDER
You know, I've often wondered why that is.

CORDELIA
Got a mirror?

They walk off. Xander grins ruefully and gives them a mock salute.

XANDER
Check back tomorrow, I'll have
that devastating comeback ready.

As he watches them leave, BUFFY runs up. She's looking in her PURSE and doesn't see him; she bumps straight into him, spilling the contents everywhere.

BUFFY
Ooh!

XANDER
Whoa! sorry about that.

He helps her pick her things up

BUFFY
Oh, that's okay, I was totally phasing.
(They smile at each other)
I'm trying to find the library?

XANDER
(points)
It's over there.

BUFFY
Thanks.

XANDER
I don't know you, do I?

BUFFY
I'm Buffy. I'm new.

She leaves. Xander watches her go, smitten.

XANDER
You're new and improved.

He notices she's missed something, picks it up and calls after her.

XANDER
Oh, hey, you forgot your...
(looks at it)
...stake?


INT.  LIBRARY - DAY

Buffy pushes open the door and walks in, looking around.

BUFFY
Hello? Hi?
Is anybody here?

She looks over the counter... nothing.. and turns around. And bumps into GILES, who's silently appeared just behind her.

BUFFY
Oh! Anybody's here.

GILES
Can I help you?

BUFFY
Textbooks. I - I'm looking for textbooks.

GILES
Ms Summers?

BUFFY
Good call. Guess I'm the
only new kid, huh?

Giles rushes behind the counter.

BUFFY (cont'd)
So. I'm taking Eurocentric
history, and I'm gonna need...

GILES
I think I know what you're after.

He smiles, reaches down and places a huge, heavy, old and very dusty TOME on the counter. Its title reads 'Vampyr".

He and Buffy stare at each other for a long moment. He's eager to please. She's shocked and horrified.

BUFFY
That's not what I'm looking for.

She backs away.

GILES
Are you sure?

BUFFY
I'm way sure.

GILES
My mistake. Oh.
What is it you said...

But Buffy's out the door.

GILES (cont'd)
...you wanted?


INT.  CLASSROOM - DAY

Class is in session. Buffy sits at a desk, looking worried and annoyed.

The BELL sounds and people get up to leave. WILLOW notices Buffy, goes up to her.

WILLOW
Hi?

BUFFY
Hi!

WILLOW
Mr Barnes said I should help you
get caught up, if you're having trouble...
(awkward)
Or I could... not...

Buffy smiles reassuringly.

BUFFY
No! That'd be great. History isn't
my best subject. I sort of lack a
best subject. I'm Buffy.

WILLOW
I know. I'm Willow.

Buffy shakes her hand.

BUFFY
Good to meet you.


EXT.  SCHOOL COLONNADE - DAY

Buffy and Willow walk along, chatting.

WILLOW
That's a great outfit.

BUFFY
Thanks! I'm totally jamming
on your dress.

WILLOW
Oh, no. It's dorky. I'm aware
that it's dorky.

BUFFY
Not a jot. It's lush. Laura Ashley's
definitely back.

WILLOW
You think?

BUFFY
She's back, and this time it's personal.
You see, they mated her with the
Home Depot guy, and that's how we
got Martha Stewart.

WILLOW
Wow.

BUFFY
Can I ask you - what's up with the
school librarian?

WILLOW
You met Mr Giles.

BUFFY
Yeah. Is he new?

WILLOW
He started a few weeks ago. He
used to be the curator of some British
museum. I don't know why he'd work
here, except that we do have some…
pretty important... collections.

She tails off as CORDELIA and HARMONY approach them.

CORDELIA
Hi, I'm Cordelia. I just thought we'd
be a little welcoming committee,
help you get adjusted.
(pointedly)
Explain who to hang with, and why.

BUFFY
Thanks.

CORDELIA
Quite frankly, when I saw those
shoes I knew there was a beautiful
bond of sisterhood between us.

She and Harmony put their arms around Buffy, lead her away. Abandoned, Willow slinks off.

CORDELIA (cont'd)
Really! I was very, very moved.


INT.  WOMEN'S LOCKER ROOM - DAY

Two GIRLS walk in, discussing the new girl.

FIRST GIRL
The new kid? She seems kind of
weird to me. What kind of name is 'Buffy'?

Another GIRL walks past.

OTHER GIRL
Hey, Aphrodesia.

APHRODESIA
Hey.

FIRST GIRL
Well, the chatter in the caf is that
she got kicked out and that's why
she's starting in the middle of the semester.

They sit down next to their lockers.

APHRODESIA
Neg!

FIRST GIRL
Pos. She was starting fights!

APHRODESIA
Negly.

They're opening their lockers.

FIRST GIRL
Well, I heard from Blue, she
said that she saw the transcript...

And she SCREAMS as a BODY falls out of her locker onto her. It's the boy from the teaser. Stone dead.


EXT.  COURTYARD - DAY

As Buffy walks along, Xander runs up behind her. He's still waving her STAKE.

XANDER
I've been trying to work this out.
And all I can figure is that you're
building a really little fence.

Buffy takes the stake and pops it back in her bag.

BUFFY
Oh, this... er... no! Actually it was
for self-defence. My last school
was kind of interesting.

(During the next scene Xander will be pointing out various YOUTH SUBCULTURES in the form of Berryman High School students hanging out with their friends.)

XANDER
Well, it's pretty mellow here. You'll be
playing[?] once you know your way around.
Ah, those guys? The Housers. They'd be
genuine hard-core gangstas except for
the upper-class white guy stigma.

Buffy chuckles.

XANDER (cont'd)
Total wannabes, but they're okay.
Ah! The Panga Inbreeds. Dudes!

They look up at him.

XANDER (cont'd)
Surf's always up somewhere
in the world.

BUFFY
Guess it's not that different
on my side of the hill.

XANDER
Well, try your hand at it.

BUFFY
Okay, let's see. Um...mmm.
(she points)
That would have to be the theatre club.

XANDER
Oh, well spotted. What gave it away?

BUFFY
They're always way gesture-y.
(exaggerated gestures)
What is the homework?

XANDER
(playing along)
I didn't GET the homework!
And them?

BUFFY
Ah... film club.

XANDER
They spend their time deciding that
every movie is an Existential meditation
on Freudian sexuality.

BUFFY
Even 'The Muppets Take Manhattan'?

XANDER
Especially 'The Muppets Take Manhattan'.
Ah... the Dirty Girls.

BUFFY
Why do you call them...
(sniffs)
Oh, wow.

XANDER
They have 'views' on hygiene.
It's... pretty intense.

BUFFY
So which group are you affiliated with?

XANDER
Well, I've applied to a few, but
doesn't look good. I haven't heard
back from the Dirty Girls.

Xander sees WILLOW walking towards them.

XANDER (cont'd)
Willow! You've met Buffy, right? She
might be going to the Bronze tonight.

BUFFY
Willow, what's wrong?

WILLOW
You didn't hear?

BUFFY
Hear what?

WILLOW
In the women's locker room.
They found someone.

XANDER
And?

WILLOW
I mean... someone...

CORDELIA and her CORDETTES have arrived on the scene, and Cordy barges straight into the conversation..

CORDELIA
Dead.

BUFFY
Dead?

CORDELIA
Way dead.

XANDER
So not just a little dead then?

CORDELIA
Don't you have an elsewhere to be?

BUFFY
Are you guys sure?

WILLOW
I heard it from Ms Ramsey.
He was in a locker.

HARMONY
I heard he used to go here.
And that it was a gang thing.

WILLOW
You think he was killed by someone?

CORDELIA
No, I'm sure it was natural causes.
He crawled up in the locker and died of old age.

BUFFY
Um, I gotta bug. See you guys later, okay?

She runs off.

CORDELIA
Okay...


INT.  SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY

Principal FLUTIE is just coming out of the women's locker room when Buffy approaches him. He's pretty shaken.

BUFFY
Principal Flutie?

FLUTIE
Er, Bambi?
(Buffy shakes her head)
Barbie? er, Betty? Wilma?

BUFFY
'Buffy'.

FLUTIE
I am SO sorry about this. I know
it's your first day. I just want to
say, we very seldom... We almost
never have dead kids stuffed in
a locker. I've a very strict policy
about that.

BUFFY
So it's true?

FLUTIE
I know it's hard. Certainly not the
welcome I would have planned for you.
I know you're upset, confused... You've
probably go that thing like when
you burp and you've got that vomity
taste in your mouth.

Buffy looks at him dubiously.

FLUTIE (cont'd)
I just want you to know that
we're all here for you. If there's
anything that you need...

BUFFY
(perky)
Can I look at the body?


INT.  WOMEN'S LOCKER ROOM - DAY

Buffy walks in, kneels down by the BODY and pulls off the SHEET covering his face. There are two small PUNCTURE MARKS on his neck. Buffy looks less than impressed at this revelation.

BUFFY
Oh, great.


INT.  LIBRARY - DAY

Buffy walks in purposefully, sees GILES up on the balcony, and calls up to him.

BUFFY
Okay, what's the sitch?

GILES
I'm sorry?

She's impatient and angry.

BUFFY
What's the sitch here?
You heard about the dead guy,
right? The dead guy in the locker?

GILES
Yes.

BUFFY
'Cause it's the weirdest thing.
He's got two little, little holes in his
neck and all his blood's been
drained. Isn't that bizarre?
Aren't you just going 'oooh'?

As she speaks she's walking up the stairs to the balcony.

GILES
I see. Is he... will he rise again?

BUFFY
No. He wasn't changed. Just dead.

GILES
Oh dear. I was afraid of this.

BUFFY
Well, I wasn't. It's my first day. I was
afraid that I was to be behind on my
classes, that I wouldn't make any friends,
that I would have last month's hair. I
didn't think there'd be vampires on
campus - and I don't care.

GILES
Then why are you here?

That takes her aback.

BUFFY
To... tell you that I don't care.
Which I don't. And have now
told you. So... bye!

GILES
You cannot escape your destiny.

BUFFY
Wanna bet?

And with that she SOMERSAULTS over the rail of the balcony and DROPS twenty feet to a perfect landing on the ground.

GILES
Do you think it's coincidence,
your being here? It was fated.

BUFFY
Why can't you people just leave me alone?

GILES
Because you are the Slayer.

He WALKS down the stairs from the balcony. He's not the Slayer, so he doesn't get to do the fancy acrobatics.

GILES (cont'd)
Into every generation a Slayer is
born. One girl in all the world.
A Chosen One.

BUFFY
Wow, you're gonna do the
speech and everything.

GILES
One born with the strength and skills...

Buffy starts speaking over him.

BUFFY / GILES
...To hunt the vampires...

Giles falls silent.

BUFFY
...to stop the spread of their evil,
blah blah blah. I've heard it, okay?

GILES
I don't understand this attitude.
You've accepted your duty, you've
slain vampires before.

BUFFY
Well, I've both been there and
done that. And I'm moving on.
Growing as a person. Watch it happen.

GILES
You have no idea what's
going on, do you?

BUFFY
(sigh)
There's vampires?
Big deal. You kill them.

GILES
You think vampires are the
only threat we face here?

BUFFY
What do you mean?

GILES
There are more things in heaven
and earth than are dreamt of in
your philosophy.

He picks up BOOKS one by one, piles them in Buffy's arms. She grimaces.

GILES (cont'd)
Werewolves. Zombies. Ghouls. Incubi.
Succubi. Everything you've ever dreaded
under your bed but told yourself
couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real.

BUFFY
What, you, like, sent away
for the Time-Life series?

GILES
Yes.

BUFFY
D'you get the free phone?

GILES
The calendar.

BUFFY
Cool. Zombies, huh?

She struggles with the pile of books, then gives them back to Giles.

BUFFY (cont'd)
Okay, first of all I'm a VAMPIRE
Slayer. And secondly, I'm retired.

As they speak we PAN over to find XANDER standing behind the stacks, where he was in search of books. He can't quite believe what he's hearing.

GILES (O.C.)
But your work is not finished.

BUFFY (O.C.)
My work? I'm sixteen! I don't
have work. I have homework.

BACK ON Buffy and Giles.

GILES
And you haven't been properly trained.

BUFFY
Which is why you're here.

GILES
Yes. I - I'm a Watcher. A Watcher serves
by finding the Slayer, leading her
on her path. It is my destiny to guide you.

BUFFY
Yeah, well, the last guy they sent to
'guide' me... you see what happened to him.

GILES
Yes, I know all about it.

BUFFY
You don't know anything about it. You
don't know what it's like. I was happy. I
was Cindy Lou Who just coasting through
my life when vampires - which are only
supposed to be in cheesy movies – start
killing people. People I know.

And I find out I'm the Slayer, the only one
in the world, and I gotta stop them.
And I DO. I train. I hunt. It becomes my whole life.

Giles sits down and starts cleaning his glasses as he listens to Buffy's rant.

BUFFY (cont'd)
I can do things no other kid can do,
and actually that's fairly lush, I'm kinda
into that. So I kill the vampires. Yay me.

And when it's all over, what's left?
My grades are the suck. My social life
has achieved leper stage. And I get
thrown out of school for causing trouble.
Not exactly a medal and a book deal,
if you know what I mean.

GILES
Yes, I do.

BUFFY
I just wanna be like everyone
else. Like anybody else.

GILES
But you're not, are you?

BUFFY
Well, I mean to be.

She stomps out of the library.

ON XANDER, still freaked.

XANDER
Oh-kay...


EXT.  THE BRONZE - NIGHT

A crowd of young people make their way towards Sunnydale's premier teen hangout. We hear rock music from inside, and posters advertise a gig by Dingoes Ate My Baby.

BUFFY, in a fancy jacket, approaches the entrance and joins the queue for admission. A short, dorky guy in front of her in the line turns to talk to her. This is JONATHAN.

JONATHAN
Are you the new girl?

BUFFY
Yeah.

And that's all they can think of to say to each other; they fall into an awkward silence. Fortunately, at that point XANDER rushes over and pushes into the line next to Buffy.

XANDER
Hey! I'm in line with you here, right?

BUFFY
Sure.

XANDER
I'm psyched you came.

BUFFY
Is the band good?

XANDER
Well, they don't know any actual chords yet 
but they have really big amps. But it's 
always a good time, you know.

BUFFY
Yeah. It seems normal.
A normal thing to do.

XANDER
Er... yeah.

BUFFY
Well, I mean everyone
comes here, right?

XANDER
(tentative)
So, you didn't do normal things
at your old school?

BUFFY
Oh, sure. Only. Exclusively. You know,
everyday stuff. Homework, student council,
football team...

XANDER
You were on the football team?

BUFFY
No! I ch-
(stops herself)
So, is Willow coming tonight?

XANDER
Oh, I saw her sneaking on
campus with some guy.

BUFFY
Willow has a boyfriend?

XANDER
She does tonight. I
didn't know the guy.

Something about this scenario just doesn't seem right to Buffy.

XANDER (cont'd)
So, you didn't have any
extra-curricular choices...

BUFFY
(interrupting)
What was he like?

XANDER
Who?

BUFFY
Willow's friend.

XANDER
Oh, erm, kind of...

BUFFY
Pale?

XANDER
Yeah.

BUFFY
What was he wearing?

XANDER
(shrugs)
Erm... er... a jacket.

BUFFY
No. What was it like? I mean,
was it outdated at all, some old style?

XANDER
You're really caring about this outfit!
Um... yeah. But it was pretty striking.
You know, sleeves rolled up, collar,
very Lionel Ritchie. I mean, who's
still sporting that look?

And without another word Buffy RUNS OFF AT FULL SPEED.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

CLICK! The STAGE LIGHTS come on, to reveal WILLOW. She's grinning, enjoying herself.

WILLOW
This is nice. I - I don't
usually do this sort of thing.

Her companion is the guy in the jacket that Xander just described. He's blond, so we'll call him BLOND GUY. He smiles, walks towards her.

WILLOW (cont'd)
(to herself)
I don't usually get asked.
(to him)
But I'm having a good time, though.
Where did you say you went to school?

Blond guy sits down next to her.

BLOND GUY
Crossroads.

He puts his arm round her.

WILLOW
So. Time for some kissing, huh?

BLOND GUY
Relax.

Instead she gets up.

WILLOW
Oh, we probably shouldn't even
be here. Especially after what
happened with that poor boy.

BLOND GUY
He had it coming.

WILLOW
(huh?)
What do you mean?

BLOND GUY
Coming up here alone, at night.
With a complete stranger. What
kind of an idiot would do a thing like that?

Willow looks kind of taken aback at that. Well, wouldn't you be?

BLOND GUY (cont'd)
What's the matter?

REVEAL that he's now in VAMPFACE. Uh-oh.

BLOND VAMPIRE(cont'd)
Don't you wanna snuggle?


INT.  HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS - NIGHT

Buffy comes running around the corner. Xander, out of breath, is right behind her.

XANDER
Hey! Wait up!

BUFFY
Where would they be?

XANDER
Buffy, uh, what's the sitch?

She passes him her PURSE.

BUFFY
You might need this.

XANDER
This wouldn't by any chance
be a vampire issue, would it?

Just at that moment WILLOW SCREAMS (O.C.)

XANDER (cont'd)
The auditorium! I'll try round back.

Buffy's already gone. Xander heads off in the other direction.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

The BLOND VAMPIRE is BITING at Willow's neck and making hungry growls. They're stood in the middle of the stage. Buffy throws open the auditorium doors and strides in.

BUFFY
All right. Get your hands off of her.

BLOND VAMPIRE
Ooh. Seconds.

Buffy walks forward through the audience seating towards the stage.

BUFFY
So what is it with vampires and clothes?
You always think the march of fashion
stopped dead the day you did. It really
is such a giveaway.

The vampire tries to bite Willow again, but Buffy SPRINTS towards him, and he throws her to one side.
Buffy DROP-KICKS him, knocking him down. She stands over him.

BUFFY
You know, you really shouldn't be here.
A vampire, all alone at night. It just isn't safe.

BLOND VAMPIRE
You've got me wrong.

BUFFY
Oh, my bad. You're not a vampire?

BLOND VAMPIRE
I'm not alone.

Buffy looks around apprehensively as several more VAMPIRES emerge from the shadows.

BUFFY
Oops. I don't suppose you'd be
sweeties and attack me one at a time?

BLOND VAMPIRE
You watch too many movies.

BUFFY
You can NEVER watch too many movies.

And the FIGHT is on. Buffy gets in some good kicks, and WILLOW creeps out of the way while the vamps are distracted. But then one of them picks Buffy up and THROWS her across the room. She hits a table, which collapses under her.

BUFFY
Oh. Ow. That was my favourite spine.

And Xander comes running in, looking around for Buffy.

XANDER
Buffy?

BUFFY
Get Willow out of here.
She's hardly bit, she'll be all right.

Xander sees a BROOM in a rack on the wall. He grabs it and throws it to Buffy.

XANDER
Heads up!

Buffy puts the improvised weapon to good use, knocking down one of the vamps that's running at her.
Xander rushes over to Willow and helps her up.

XANDER
Can you walk?

WILLOW
Oh. Mom was right
about boys. Ow.

They stumble out of the room.


INT.  BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT

XANDER
I'll go get help.

WILLOW
Xander, do you usually
carry a purse?

Before she can work it out, though, she's GRABBED by another vampire: it's DARLA. But Darla looks at Willow's already bitten neck and tosses her aside contemptuously.

DARLA
God, I hate leftovers.


INT.  AUDITORIUM - SIMULTANEOUS - NIGHT

Buffy knocks one vampire down with her broom, but another runs up behind her. But he gasps in pain as he connects with the other end of the broom, collapses to the ground and TURNS TO DUST.

BUFFY
See what happens when
you roughhouse?


INT.  BACKSTAGE - SIMULTANEOUS - NIGHT

Darla turns and growls as she notices Xander. He backs away through the backstage PROPS and SCENERY FLATS.

XANDER
I don't like to hit girls...
that I'm afraid of.

She lunges for him; he dodges, but she grabs him again and GOES FOR HIS THROAT.

ON WILLOW

Lying on the floor where Darla threw her. She notices Buffy's purse next to her; it's come open and there is a CROSS there. She picks it up and goes over to where Darla and Xander are struggling.

WILLOW
Excuse me?

She thrusts the cross in Darla's face. The vampire SCREAMS and a huge cloud of SMOKE rises up from her face.

ON WILLOW as she grimly holds the cross in place. Xander stands up and watches over her shoulder.


INT.  AUDITORIUM - SIMULTANEOUS - NIGHT

Buffy is in a running fight with the two remaining vampires. She dashes up the stairs built on the stage, throws one vampire back down them, and kicks the other over the edge of the balcony into a pile of boxes.

She takes a moment to recover her breath as the vampire she's just knocked down stares up at her. (He's the original one, the blond guy).

BLOND VAMPIRE
Who are you?

She stands up, defiant and cocky.

BUFFY
I'm the Slayer.

The other vampire reacts to that.

VAMPIRE TWO
A Slayer?

And he makes a run for it.

BLOND VAMPIRE
Wait!

VAMPIRE TWO
(out the door)
I'll call you!

BUFFY
Better face facts. You've run out of
time. You've run out of friends.
And nobody likes your outfit.

He's not intimidated, but starts looking for a way up to the balcony. But then Xander and Willow rush in. Willow is holding the CROSS in front of her; Xander is hiding behind Willow.

WILLOW
Freeze! I know how
to use this! I think...

They look around... there's no sign of the vampire anymore. But they do spot Buffy up on the balcony.

XANDER
Buffy?

BUFFY
Be careful, you guys. There's--

But with a CRASH the vampire bursts through the SCENERY and grapples her. They go over the edge of the balcony together, and then through the open stage trapdoor.

BUFFY
No!!

Xander cautiously approaches the edge of the trapdoor - but suddenly the VAMPIRE bursts up through it and GRABS HIS WRIST.

BLOND VAMPIRE
Your friend can't help you now!

But he loses his grip as something from below starts PULLING HIM back down into the trapdoor.

BLOND VAMPIRE (cont'd)
Hold that thought.

SFX: sounds of fighting from below: things being knocked over, a drum kit being hit, growls.
Willow and Xander look at each other.

BUFFY climbs up from the trapdoor back onto the stage. Xander gives her a hand. They go and sit down next to Willow, who's nursing her injured neck.

WILLOW
I'm really sorry about all this.

BUFFY
That's okay. It's kind of a destiny thing.

XANDER
So. What does a Vampire
Slayer do, exactly?

Buffy just smiles and shakes her head.


EXT.  HIGH SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

It's the next day; bright and sunny as always. A student from the Film Club is putting up a POSTER for their next showing: NOSFERATU.

CORDELIA, HARMONY and another CORDETTE walk through the courtyard, and notice BUFFY, WILLOW and XANDER hanging out and talking to GILES. Who, incidentally, is smartly dressed in a heavy jacket and tie despite the hot California sunshine. Buffy is playing absently with a STAKE.

CORDETTE
Hey, look at them.

CORDELIA
Well, it seems Buffy's
found her own level.

HARMONY
I can't believe we were
almost nice to her.

CORDETTE
I know!

They walk off.

GILES
I, I'm not saying you didn't do
well. Wait - now I am. You
didn't do well. You, you
stunk up the place.

XANDER
What, are you kidding? She
was huge, she had the
moves, the Crane Technique…

He strikes a martial arts pose, which Buffy finds highly amusing.

WILLOW
And she saved my life. Which I'm for.

GILES
If she'd been a minute later
you'd be dead. Or worse.
(to Buffy)
And you revealed yourself. And
you, you, you let one of them get away...

BUFFY
You know, are you sure you're
wearing enough? 'Cause we might
get a cloud today.

Giles takes off his glasses.

GILES
I cannot believe that the fate of
the world may well be in the
hands of this... teen thing.

BUFFY
Relax. The world's in beauty hands.
(she grins at him)
Trust me!

And she takes aim with her STAKE,  THROWS it – and hits right in the heart of the picture of NOSFERATU on the film poster.

FADE TO BLACK

END OF SHOW

Comments

Posted by: Owen (owenthurman)
Posted at: 16th January 2008 04:45 (UTC)

Awesome. Can you get it posted somewhere searchable so nobody has to do it again? Maybe the bdb.vrya.net people could put it up.

Posted by: Dio (diachrony)
Posted at: 16th January 2008 05:19 (UTC)
buffy - squee

Wow ... this is awesome & needs to be archived around the 'net!

Thank you for doing it!

Posted by: Elena (moscow_watcher)
Posted at: 16th January 2008 09:37 (UTC)
Scoobies

It's fantastic!

I can't believe you did is so quickly and so well. Thank you for doing it! I'll inform people who were interested in having the transcript immediately!

I think you should post it somewhere where other people could find it.

Agan, thanks a lot.

Posted by: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Posted at: 16th January 2008 10:52 (UTC)
Beer Good.

Great work! I know the shooting script is out there somewhere, but I've never seen a transcript of what actually happens on-screen before. And I agree, you should mail this to someone who can put it up - Howard at Buffyworld.com, maybe?

Now you just need to do the movie as well. :-)

Posted by: Elena (moscow_watcher)
Posted at: 16th January 2008 15:44 (UTC)
Duster_by_awmp

Russian fans asked me if they could repost your transcript on Russian BtVS community "Club B" - with due credit, of course. They are very thankful for your awesome work.

"Club B" is located here

http://www.diary.ru/~ClubBuffy/

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 16th January 2008 21:06 (UTC)

Absolutely - go ahead. Glad it was useful!

There's also a text file version of it, which I've saved here:
http://www.mdd-marketing.co.uk/files/Unaired%20Pilot.rtf if that's easier to use.

and thanks. :-)

Posted by: howard_russell (howard_russell)
Posted at: 10th October 2013 17:21 (UTC)
Thank You

Thank you for making this much-neglected transcript.

For maximum visibility, may I have permission to repost this on BuffyWorld?

Thank you very much,
Howard

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th October 2013 09:44 (UTC)
Re: Thank You

Hi, and thanks!

Yes, feel free to repost it.
(The same applies to my transcripts of Joss's DVD commentaries if you wanted those as well.)

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