StephenT (stormwreath) wrote,
StephenT
stormwreath

(Meta) Buffy - The Origin (Part 3)

Part three of this post, since it exceeded LJ's post length limit. Previous part is here. 


 
 

ACT THREE

INT: SCHOOL GYM - DAY

A crowd of STUDENTS are getting the place ready for the school dance. Jennifer and Kimberly are hanging a BANNER.

KIMBERLY
Maybe she was a commando in a previous life, and she hasn't quite been able to move on, y'know?

 JENNIFER
Yeah, and maybe she's just a bi-polar, paranoid, manic-depressive psycho looney whose only recourse now is Prozac or a bullet to the head.

 

>> That comment about a bullet to the head? Ouch. Also, Jennifer is definitely a Cordelia-in-waiting here.

KIMBERLY
Yeah, well, that could be it, too.

 JENNIFER
I don’t know what her basic trauma is, but she is in urgent need of a reality house call.

And in walks Buffy.

BUFFY
Hi, guys.

 JENNIFER
Oh, hey, Buffy.

 KIMBERLY
You were supposed to be here at three.

 BUFFY
I forgot.

 KIMBERLY
Buffy, what is your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax-bracket. It's too weird.

 BUFFY
Look, a lot's been going on. I just… I need to tell you guys. See, a while ago, I met this guy…

 KIMBERLY
Oh my God, you're having an affair?

 JENNIFER
Does Jeffrey know?

 BUFFY
It's not like that. This is an old guy. Like fifty.

 JENNIFER
Eeeuwww!

 BUFFY
No, no! Just listen! Haven't you guys noticed how weird things have gotten around here? People disappearing, turning up dead…

 JENNIFER
What are you talking about?

 KIMBERLY
Buffy, you're so out of it. You've blown off cheerleading. You've blown off the Dance Committee…

 BUFFY
Guys, it's a DANCE. It's a stupid dance with stupid kids that I see every stupid day.

 JENNIFER
So we're stupid now.

 KIMBERLY
Y'know, just because you're having a full-on wiggins doesn't mean you have to drag us into it. Personally, I think you ought to spend a little time prioritising, I really do.

 BUFFY
Listen to you. What language are you speaking? 

>> Times like this, Buffy would benefit from having a Xander or Willow to drag her away and tell her to thank them later when she still had friends the next day…

KIMBERLY
Get out of my facial!

They storm off, leaving Buffy alone.

BUFFY
Guys…

CUT TO:

EXT: SHOPPING MALL - DAY

Buffy has sought out comfort the only way she knows how – going shopping. She's carrying about three bags when Pike runs up behind her shouting her name.

PIKE
Buffy, hey! I called your house and your mom said you were here… I'm glad I caught you. I've been working on some stuff for you.
(beat)
What are you doing here, anyway?

 BUFFY
I'm doing what normal teenage girls do in the mall, Pike.

 PIKE
Loitering and gossiping?

BUFFY
Shopping for a dress for the dance.

PIKE
What? I don't believe this. The world's under attack by the legions of the undead, and you're going to a mixer?

 BUFFY
It's not a mixer, it's a dance. And it's important. You wouldn't understand.

PIKE
You got that right. I thought you wanted to kill vampires.

BUFFY
I don't want to kill anybody. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

 PIKE
Listen, I know it sucks what happened to Merrick. But, Buffy, you're the guy. You're the Chosen Guy.

 BUFFY
Right. I'm the Chosen One. And I CHOOSE to go shopping.

PIKE
Ah, I should have known. Benny was right. You guys are all exactly the same— y'know that, Buffy?

He storms off.

CUT TO:

INT: LOTHOS'S LAIR

Lothos sits on a huge carven THRONE. Before him kneels Benny.

LOTHOS
Buffy? Her name is Buffy?

 BENNY
I recognised her last night. I know her from school.

>> Interestingly, I got the impression that Pike and Benny were strangers in town – but here it seems that Benny, at least, goes to Hemery High along with Buffy.

LOTHOS
And you know where she lives?

 BENNY
No, my lord. But I know what she's doing on Saturday night.

 LOTHOS
It's good to be dead, Benny. Good to be dead.


CUT TO:

INT: SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

The school dance is just getting underway. Buffy wears a sexy blue silk dress with a small handbag over her shoulder, and is looking around in an uncertain way.

>> The handbag may look small, but we later learn it contains a full bottle of Perrier, an aerosol can, a large cross and at least half a dozen stakes. Maybe it's a time-and-relative-dimensions-in-space handbag?

ANDY
Buffy! Looking tasty!

BUFFY
Thanks, Andy. Have you seen Jeffrey?

She walks over to where Kimberly is serving punch.

BUFFY
Hey, Kim!

KIMBERLY
Hey.

 BUFFY
So, uh, have you seen Jeffrey? The limo never showed. I thought he might be here.

 KIMBERLY
I, uh, haven't seen him.

 BUFFY
Oh, well, anyway, you look way pretty, Kim.

 KIMBERLY
I know. I like your little, uh, starched parachute number.

 BUFFY
I guess you guys are still mad at me. I'm sorry. Look, I've been really— Jeffrey!

He's just come in, with Jennifer on his arm.

BUFFY (CONT'D)
Jeffrey! There you are. I—

 JEFFREY
Buffy! What are you doing here?

 BUFFY
I thought we were meeting here. I don't understand.

JEFFREY
Come on, Buffy, you know what's going on. I'm here with Jennifer. It's not working out at all. I've got to move on. I mean, I've got needs too. 

>> Remember that (really cheesy) line about having needs, for later. 


He heads off into the crowd with Jennifer.

JEFFREY (CONT'D)
You can get all the details from the message I left on your machine. I'm outta here.

 BUFFY
You broke up with my answering machine?

Buffy goes off by herself, shell-shocked and close to tears, when a familiar voice distracts her attention.

>> She's actually crying in one of the panels, but not the others. Maybe it was a single tear.

PIKE
Hey, look. I crashed your little party.

He's actually wearing a starched shirt and bow tie.

BUFFY
Pretty shallow of you. But I'm glad you came.

PIKE
That's me. Vacuous, soulless and hipper-than-thou. You look great, by the way.

That's pretty much exactly what she needs to hear right now.

PIKE (CONT'D)
So - glad I came - does this mean I won't get the crap kicked out of me if I ask you to dance?

She moves up close to him.

PIKE (CONT'D)
You're not like other girls, Buffy.

 BUFFY
Yes, I am. 

>> That was the scene that was used in the movie trailers. They're both right: Buffy isn't like other girls: she has a sacred destiny, blah blah. But in other ways, she really is just a normal girl. 


And they're maybe about to kiss when – Kressshh! The window shatters as a huge VAMPIRE reaches in his claws. Instant panic. There are vampires outside all the windows.

GIRL
They've blocked the doors! Dozens of them! We're trapped!

 BOY
Oh God! Help me! They're out there! Vampires!

 VAMPIRE
It's party time, meat puppets.

Buffy takes charge.

>> Her first time ever as a leader in a crisis situation. Isn't it cute?

BUFFY
Everybody move back from the doors and windows! They can't come in unless they're invited!

>> Oh, really? Isn't a school a public place? I think Buffy's been misinformed, or the writers hadn't worked out all the kinks of the mythology yet.

KIMBERLY
Uh, I already invited them.

Buffy glares at her.

KIMBERLY (CONT'D)
Come on! What was I supposed to do? They're seniors!

BUFFY
The first thing we need to—

 VAMPIRE 1
(shouting from outside)
Hey, Buffy… wanna dance?

PIKE
Whoops. You're busted.

 VAMPIRE 2
We want Buffy. Send her out.

VAMPIRE 1
Or we come in. 

>> It's curious that the vampires clearly can come in, but they aren't doing. They're grabbing people who come too close to the windows, but until the end they mostly don’t enter the gym properly. Maybe they're just playing with their victims. 

Gary the Guidance Counselor (and party guy) tries to sort things out. It isn't happening.

GARY
All right, everybody stay calm. What's going on, Summers?

PIKE
Looks bad, Buffy.

VAMPIRE
(from outside)
Send her out!

KIMBERLY
They'll kill us all! You're the one they're mad at.

 BUFFY
What?

BOY
Yeah, send her out!

GARY
I've got detention slips here… I'm not afraid to use them!

 ANDY
Are you kidding? They'll waste her!

 KIMBERLY
They'll kill US!

 PIKE
Look, there's got to be another way out… a back way, or something.

BUFFY
(determined)
You may be right, Pike. You stay here and look… I'm going out the front.

 PIKE
Are you nuts? There's dozens of them out there. They'll rip you apart!

BUFFY
Get everyone out, Pike. The doors are locked, but find a way into the main school if you can.

PILE
Buffy, you can't—

 BUFFY
Don't tick me off.

She kisses him, then walks out the door.

>> She's wearing her blue dress here. In the movie, she was wearing a long cream-coloured prom dress, and Pike lent her his black leather jacket to wear over it – something that would become an iconic Buffy look when she repeated it in 'Prophecy Girl'.

CUT TO:

EXT: OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Buffy is surrounded by six vampires.

BUFFY
You all look so thirsty…

 VAMPIRE
Oh, we are.

She holds up a BOTTLE OF PERRIER. We may remember it as one of those she asked the priest to bless earlier.

BUFFY
No problem. Drinks for everyone. 

>> Clever improvisation and a witty comment. Buffy's definitely finding her style now.

She splashes the holy mineral water liberally around. It MELTS AND BURNS the vampires' flesh.

VAMPIRE 1
Eieeee!

 VAMPIRE 2
Yeirgh! It burns!

Then she's in amongst them. Stakes two, then LEAPS over them before they've even had time to dust. Stabs a third, then the fourth. Six vampires gone, just like that.

>> She's actually a better fighter in these scenes than on most of the TV show, especially in the early seasons. In Season 1 six vampires at once would have been deadly dangerous for her.

CUT TO:

INT: SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Kimberly is peering out through the window, watching the fight.

KIMBERLY
It's okay! I think they're going after her!

>> Nice to know who your true friends are.

 

Then the window shatters and two VAMPIRES leap through.

KIMBERLY
(small)
We can all… escape… now…

But Pike dashes over to STAKE the vampire and save her.

PIKE
I bet you feel stupid.

Another vampire breaks in, grabbing a GIRL.

PIKE (CONT'D)
The heart! Stab him in the heart!

 GARY
Let's get away from the windows. Find something to cover them with.

GIRL IN PURPLE DRESS
There's nails and stuff we used to put up the decorations… behind the bleachers.

 PIKE
Huh. The lady said to look… couldn't hurt…

Another vampire has grabbed Gary…

GARY
That's it, son, you're facing expulsion…

…But Kimberly hits the vamp over the head with a chair

VAMPIRE
Ow. Stop. You're killing me.

Pike kicks down the door to the CELLAR. Maybe it's a way out?

PIKE
Oh, yes. Yes yes yes yes… Hey, Andy!

Andy is just staking a vampire, looking pretty heroic.

>> Good for him! He's doomed.

ANDY
Yeah?

 PIKE
Get everyone together… I think it's time to go.

But now Benny is pushing his way through the crowd. Vamped out and looking seriously mean.

BENNY
Pike, where are you, man? I was gonna change you, man. I was gonna give you life!

 GARY
Come on, people, single file… this isn't a drill…

PIKE
Move it, move it, vampires comin'!

BENNY
Isn't this great, Pike? We finally got those bitches on the run!

Slam! Benny punches Pike on the jaw, knocking him back against the bleachers.

BENNY (CONT'D)
I'm angry with you, man! I leave you alone for five minutes and look who you're hanging out with!

He grabs the girl in the purple dress by the hair as she tries to run away.

BENNY (CONT'D)
I don't want a girl with good taste. I want a girl who tastes good!

CUT TO:

INT: CELLARS - NIGHT

Kimberly and Gary and various students are hurrying down a passageway.

KIMBERLY
Where does this janitor tunnel thing lead?

 GARY
I believe it goes under the quad and comes out into the cafeteria. Single file… that's it… tra la la. 

>> Do we think he's on drugs now?

CUT TO:

INT: SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Pike grabs Benny by the hair, forcing him to let go of the girl he's just grabbed himself.

BENNY
Oww! You're screwing up, man. Just think. Never die. Never get kicked around or busted. Never say you're sorry. But you? You blow it all for some bimbo!

Benny's genuinely upset by his friend's stubbornness.

>> Aw. A vampire who still cares about his friends. *Cough* Compare Xander and Jesse in 'The Harvest'.

BENNY (CONT'D)
What about my needs, Pike?

>> Remember? That's the line Jeffrey used when he was dumping Buffy. Now Benny's using it to Pike. Draw your own conclusions, slash fans...

PIKE
I know, buddy. I know.

And he STAKES BENNY through the heart.

PIKE (CONT'D)
Rest easy, bro.

 BENNY
Man, that's deep…

And he's gone.

PIKE
Hurts, too.

 ANDY
Can we go now?

But their escape is blocked by three more vampires, including…

AMILYN
I don't think you're going anywhere.

 PIKE
Heya, Lefty! Long time no see.

 ANDY
Man, I hope Buffy's all right out there.

PRE-LAP:

EXT: OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

PIKE (V.O.)
Trust me, dude. Buffy can take care of herself.

In fact, Buffy is just staking one last vampire.

BUFFY
There! Get the point?

>> Not her best vampire-killing pun, but then again, it's her first ever vampire-killing pun.

She runs off, towards where a car is parked in the shadows.

BUFFY (CONT'D)
Here vampy vampy vampy!I know there are more of… ah. Hiding, eh? Well, you should hide, you evil sons of…

She looks through the CAR WINDOW – and sees Jeffrey and Jennifer half-naked and horizontal on the seats.

>> When they get out of the car later on, we see Jeffrey is just wearing his underpants, which seems an odd place to stop at… I'm also assuming that Buffy never went anywhere near as far as this with him while they were together, given the whole Angel in Season 2 thing.

JENNIFER
Ooh, make me a woman, Jeffrey… oh Jeffrey, I love you.

 BUFFY
Why is there never a vampire around when you need one?

 JENNIFER
Ooh, Jeffrey, make me a woman…you're so athletical…

Luckily for Buffy, she's distracted by three VAMPIRES who surround her.

BUFFY
Ah, there you are. You always know just when a girl needs some attention.

Looks like she's got some pent-up aggression to work off.

>> Violence as Slayer comfort food.

BUFFY (CONT'D)
C'mere, Curly.

She rolls and flings one vampire over her head onto the car bonnet. He CRASHES through the window; Jennifer and Jeffrey scream in panic and stumble out of the car as Buffy STAKES the vampire.

JEFFREY
Aaaah!

 JENNIFER
Aiieee!

 BUFFY
Don't mind me, kids. Go about your business. Make her a woman, Jeffrey.

But then…

LOTHOS
I knew you'd come.

He's stood there, large as life (or large as undeath, technically).

BUFFY
Who…?

 LOTHOS
You knew it too, didn't you? You've been dreaming of me. Waiting to feed me.


CUT TO:

INT: SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Pike and Andy are locked in battle with the vampires.

ANDY
Pike! I could use a hand here!

PIKE
Coming!

 AMILYN
I don't think so, meat! You've got a lot to answer for!

PIKE
Not to you, you ugly, one-armed…

But Amilyn knocks him flying with one punch.

AMILYN
Enough about the arm!

CUT TO:

EXT: OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Buffy is held in thrall by the mesmerising stare and voice of Lothos.

>> It might just be that she's paralysed with fear, but Lothos's comments about "none have resisted before" imply that it is actual The Master/Drusilla/Dracula style thrall he's using.

LOTHOS
Don't you understand? I've killed dozens of Slayers. Your life is not a blink of my eye, not a single breath. I have lived in the shadows, in the pulsing filth behind men's eyes.

The stake slips from her nerveless fingers and falls to the floor.

LOTHOS (CONT'D)
I have conversed with the worms that fed on my corpse and I have bathed in the blood of emperors. 

>> I don't know if it's deliberate, but there's a definite H P Lovecraft reference there in the mention of him speaking to the worms that fed on his corpse. 'Things have learned to walk that ought to crawl' and all that.

BUFFY
Ever throw up in the front row at an Alanis concert?

>> Why that particular comparison, I wonder? Purely random, or is Buffy speaking from her own personal experience? Is she an Alanis Morissette fan, or did she throw up because she hated the music so much?

LOTHOS
What? This is… none have ever resisted before!

But Buffy is slowly shaking off the thrall. She pulls out a cross from her bag and brandishes it.

BUFFY
Yeah, well… maybe I didn't want to believe it, but, like a friend of mine told me tonight… I'm not like other girls.

Lothos isn't impressed. He GRABS the cross and his hand BURSTS INTO FLAME, but he is indifferent to the pain.

LOTHOS
This? This is your only weapon? Your puny faith?

 BUFFY
No. My attention to personal grooming.

She reaches into her bag again and pulls out an AEROSOL CAN OF HAIRSPRAY. The spray hits the burning cross and turns into a miniature FLAMETHROWER, incinerating Lothos.

LOTHOS
Noooo!

Buffy takes a stake and finishes the job.

BUFFY
For Merrick. And for me.

And Lothos is dust.

>> She uses the hairspray trick in the movie, but it's not fatal as it is here; they have another big fight in the middle of the gym there. And so Lothos, the 900 year old vampire who's killed over 20 Slayers, finally perishes at the hands of a cheerleader with a can of hairspray and a witty comment.

CUT TO:

INT: SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

The fight isn't going well. Andy goes down, a vampire sucking at his neck. Amylin has Pike pinned against the wall.

ANDY
Pike! Pike! Aaarghh!

>> Told you he was doomed. Still, he redeemed himself from trying to fondle Buffy earlier.

PIKE
…Andy… sorry, man…

But then Buffy comes up behind Amilyn, and thrusts her cross against his back. Amilyn screams in pain.

BUFFY
This is the suckiest dance I have ever been to!

It's out with the hairspray again, and it's Amilyn's turn to burst into flames.

>> Thankfully, in the comic he doesn't take ten minutes to die.

BUFFY (CONT'D)
Sorry. I've just got this aversion to vampires. My therapist is helping me deal.

Pike looks around – and sees at least two dozen more vampires filling the gym. They're slowly advancing towards him and Buffy.

PIKE
Okay. It felt like this was over.

>> Didn't someone once say about vampires, "There's always more"?

BUFFY
Or maybe not. It is over. They just don't know it yet.

>> They think it's all over… it is now! (Sorry.)

She hurls Amilyn's blazing corpse into the middle of the crowd of vampires. They scream in pain as more of them catch fire. Buffy and Pike make a run for it.

>> Although speaking of Amilyn taking a long time to die, notice he doesn't immediately dust once set on fire.


CUT TO:

EXT: OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT

Buffy is busy chaining the doors to the gym closed.

PIKE
I don't know, Buffy. It's just a bike chain, do you think it'll hold them?

 BUFFY
It'll hold. It has to.

And they step back, and watch as the school gym goes up in flames.

>> Yes, in the comic adaptation Buffy really does burn down the school gymnasium because it's full of vampires.

CUT TO:

EXT: OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL GYM – LATER - NIGHT

Fire and ambulance crews attend the scene of the tragedy. We hear a TV PRESENTER describing the scene.

TV PRESENTER
The death toll now reaches twelve and a half in the tragedy at Hemery High School. A senior dance was being held here in the gym five days ago, when students were attacked by a roving gang of crack-crazed gunmen.

Survivors say at least one hundred of the ruffians laid the high school under a kind of siege, claiming several lives in the process.

Said one school administrator, "Things will never be the same".

>> A death toll of "twelve and a half"??. *Boggles*

END OF ACT

EPILOGUE

>> The movie ended with Buffy and Pike roaring off into the sunset on his motorbike. I'm not sure if this epilogue was in the original script.

EXT: OUTDOOR SWIMMING POOL – DAY

Kimberly, Jennifer, Jeffrey and another GIRL are swimming or relaxing by the pool.

GIRL
She was even crazier after that. I mean it. You wouldn't even have recognised her.

KIMBERLY
Buffy?

GIRL
Yeah. She didn't talk to anyone in school. Then, of course, she got expelled. The worst is, her parents, and this is true, I swear—

JENNIFER
They divorced?

GIRL
Well, yeah, but, no, no! Listen— her parents were gonna send her to the Bahamas for a while, and she REFUSED. True story.

 KIMBERLY
She said she didn't want to go. It is to vomit.

 JEFFREY
Well, where is she now?


PRELAP:

EXT: CASTLE GATE – NIGHT

It looks like a big, spooky old castle. Buffy is stood outside dressed in shorts, jacket and baseball cap and carrying a backpack. Her previous stylish outfits are gone.

KIMBERLY (V.O.)
Last I heard? Juvie. And her mom told somebody they were gonna move.

 GIRL (V.O.)
Uh-uh. I heard she moved, like to Ethiopia, or some other South American country…

 KIMBERLY (V.O.)
Oh, right… I think I heard that too…

Pike walks up to Buffy.

PIKE
I didn't say it was a bad idea. I just said the timing was off. We could maybe wait 'til later.

BUFFY
Don't be such a 'fraidy-cat.

PIKE
Who's afraid? Besides me, I mean…

Buffy lifts the huge DOOR KNOCKER and lets it come crashing down.

BUFFY
We've come all this way, we might as well check it out.

They walk through the gate into the castle courtyard. The moon is full.

BUFFY (CONT'D)
What's the worst that can happen? We don’t find any vampires, so instead we have fun? What a disappointment that would be.

PULL BACK to reveal that they're stood outside COUNT'S CASINO in Las Vegas.

BUFFY (CONT'D)
So why wait?

PIKE
I just meant, you know, 'til we're old enough to gamble…


>> I'm fairly certain that this next epilogue was invented by the comic book adaptors – perhaps because they didn't want to have an entire issue of the comic without the other three of the Core Four making at least a cameo appearance.

EPILOGUE TO THE EPILOGUE

>> Peter Jackson learned everything he knows from these guys… 


INT: SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY – A YEAR LATER - DAY

Buffy sits at the table eating her lunch with WILLOW and XANDER. GILES reads a book in the background.

BUFFY
So, now you know my sordid past. It is so ancient history.

WILLOW
It was only a year ago.

XANDER
Vegas, huh? Did you know prostitution is legal in Nevada? Can you imagine?

The bell rings, and they start to get up and make a move.

WILLOW
So, did you find any vampires there?

 BUFFY
I think that's a story for another lunch hour.

 XANDER
So, Buff, you didn't tell us, what happened to the fish guy?

BUFFY
Pike?

 WILLOW
Yeah, you guys were hot with the smoochies. Where is he now?

 BUFFY
I haven't heard from him in a long time, but, well…

 XANDER
Buffy, spill it. Willow's gonna need all the dirt for that movie of the week in her head… 

>> Coming up with an explanation for why Willow loves to play through romantic fantasies about Buffy's love life is left as another exercise for the reader.

>> You want to know the real reason Buffy and Pike split up? Because both 'Bike' and 'Puffy' are horrible choices for shipping names...

WILLOW
Yeah, he sounds neat. Like he was a good match for you, y'know?

BUFFY
Pike… maybe some other time, guys.


FADE TO BLACK

END OF SHOW

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