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StephenT [userpic]

(Fic) The Slayer's Handbook

11th July 2008 (13:14)
Tags: ,

After meeting you, Buffy, I was quite sure the Handbook would be of no use in your case." - Giles, 'What's My Line 2'

Cross-posted from fantas_magoria . This is a double drabble (2 x 100 words) set just after Giles's and Buffy's first meeting in the library in Welcome to the Hellmouth. Rating G.

.
The Slayer's Handbook

He ran his finger over the spine of the book ruefully. This was going to be rather different to what he'd expected. But he had his instructions directly from Mr Travers. "The girl's training has been shockingly neglected. You'll need to start from the very beginning."

He opened the Slayer's Handbook to the first page, to see what he was supposed to teach her first. The brightly coloured engravings shone off the page, designed to grab the attention of any three-year old.


This is a vampire. 

Vampires bite people. 

Oh no, the vampire is biting someone! 

Stop, vampire, stop! 

Here is the Slayer! 

Hooray! She will stop the vampire! 

Here is the Slayer's Watcher. 

He will tell her what to do. 

He tells her to slay the vampire!

The Slayer has a stake. 

It is sharp! 

Be careful with it, Slayer! 

The Slayer goes to slay the vampire. 

The vampire fights back! 

He hits the Slayer! 

Ouch! That hurt! 

But the Slayer has been trained by her Watcher. 

She stakes the vampire in the heart! 

He turns to dust! 

Well done, Slayer!

Giles shuddered and closed the book again. Training Ms Summers was going to require a radically different approach...

Comments

Posted by: Two legs good, four legs okay (nothorse)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 12:44 (UTC)
centaur!dawn

BWAHAHAHAHA!

I want it. With Illustrations!

Posted by: joe_sweden (joe_sweden)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:11 (UTC)

Hee!

Page one:

Photobucket

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:19 (UTC)

Posted by: joe_sweden (joe_sweden)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 14:05 (UTC)

Posted by: Emmie (angearia)
Posted at: 9th January 2009 15:23 (UTC)

Posted by: joe_sweden (joe_sweden)
Posted at: 9th January 2009 18:34 (UTC)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 9th January 2009 19:26 (UTC)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:18 (UTC)

Posted by: fix me, motherfucker! i'm standing right here. (immortality)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:13 (UTC)
[btvs] b/s | what can never be

WIN.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:21 (UTC)

TY. :-)

Posted by: Mrs Darcy (elisi)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:19 (UTC)
Buffy Anne Summers by thesuthernangel

Bwhahahahahaha! :D

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 13:22 (UTC)

Glad you liked it. :-)

Posted by: Chani φ (frenchani)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 14:17 (UTC)

I can picture Giles' face...

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th July 2008 12:56 (UTC)

I can picture Buffy's expression if he tried reading that out to her...

:-)

Posted by: Shapinglight (shapinglight)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 14:28 (UTC)
Oh dear lord

Hee! Very funny.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th July 2008 12:58 (UTC)

Thank you! (Like the icon...)

Posted by: Shapinglight (shapinglight)
Posted at: 14th July 2008 07:52 (UTC)

Posted by: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 18:04 (UTC)

Bwahahaha! (And just sliiiightly disturbing...)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th July 2008 13:02 (UTC)

'Slightly'? I was going for 'very'. :-(

(I mean, not only do you have the Watcher's Council training pre-school kids how to kill things, you've got the whole indoctrination into "don't do anything, even to save a vampire victim, until your Watcher tells you to act". And the bit about the Slayer getting hurt by the vampire was there to accustom them from an early age to the idea that they'll be hurt, so they grow up not worrying about it so much...)

Thanks!

Posted by: The Mezzanine (deird1)
Posted at: 11th July 2008 20:33 (UTC)

Hee! That's hysterical!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th July 2008 12:58 (UTC)

Thanks! :-)

Posted by: vltavska (vltavska)
Posted at: 12th July 2008 11:15 (UTC)

Mwah ha ha. That's awesome. I always wondered what was in the handbook, so glad I know now!!!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 12th July 2008 12:59 (UTC)

There's probably also 50 rules for taking good care of your stake...

Thanks!

Posted by: candleanfeather (candleanfeather)
Posted at: 14th July 2008 21:20 (UTC)

Very good, hilarious and totally disturbing at the same time. You also have captured the tone of certain books for very little children right, which adds to the efficiency of your drabble.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 15th July 2008 18:30 (UTC)

Thanks! Considering I don't have children of my own and it was an awfully long time since I was a child myself, I don;'t think I did too badly imitating the style. :-)

Posted by: Dio (diachrony)
Posted at: 15th July 2008 06:26 (UTC)
buffy - realized they were all alike

::Rolls about laughing::

I love it!!

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 15th July 2008 18:34 (UTC)

*Is pleased* Thanks!

Posted by: writing 'bout big damn heroes (dreamincolor)
Posted at: 1st January 2009 00:42 (UTC)
Buffy - perdy

Teehee!!

That was pure awesome.

(Linked by deird1)

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 1st January 2009 02:33 (UTC)

Thank you. :-)

Posted by: The Anti-OTP (snowpuppies)
Posted at: 9th January 2009 17:41 (UTC)

Oh, my!

This only really serves to emphasize what utter wankers the Watcher's Coucil members are.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 9th January 2009 19:28 (UTC)

Here is the Slayer's Watcher.
He will tell her what to do.
He tells her to slay the vampire!

Youth indoctrination at its finest!
:-(

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