Is this fic or meta? I'm not sure. Anyway, it's tangentially related to my current work in progress, in that I was thinking about it on the way to the supermarket then got distracted by a far more important question. Which is clear proof I have a filthy mind, of course.
So then. How do each of the Scooby Gang get themselves off?
820 words. Rating probably 15 (R?); it's not actually all that explicit despite the subject matter. Setting is vaguely somewhere between seasons 5 and 7.
Pairings: um, Buffy/herself, Willow/herself, Xander/himself, etc etc... I think you get the idea.
ETA: There's an extended version of this post with commentary and a few additions here.
Scoobies and their Sextoys
Willow came home from school the afternoon of her 13th birthday to find lying on her pillow a gift-wrapped vibrator, a packet of batteries and a textbook on the psychosexual development of the adolescent, thoughtfully bookmarked at page 78. She was of course utterly mortified and hid the toy far away in the darkest recesses of her underwear drawer. She read the book, though. And after eight days of trying not to think about it, intellectual curiosity and rampant teenage hormones got the better of her, and she dug the toy out again. Now as an adult she keeps a bottle of lube in her bedside cabinet alongside several different vibrators and thinks the whole thing is no big deal.
Buffy had thought about it before, but always found the idea of buying a vibrator far too embarrassing: she'd rather face a dozen vampires than walk into a sex-shop. It wasn't until she was at college and discovered that even Willow of all people already owned one that she reconsidered. (We'll draw a discreet veil over exactly how she made that discovery; suffice to say it involved Buffy arriving back from patrol an hour earlier than she'd said she would.) Willow helpfully showed her how to order one online... but ironically, once she got it Buffy discovered she preferred just using her hand anyway. (The fact that Slayers have supernatural stamina, enviable suppleness and the ability, when needed, to move their fingers faster than the human eye can follow might have something to do with that.)
Anya owns a vast selection of sex toys of all conceivable shapes and sizes, bought from a variety of catalogues and websites. She uses them enthusiastically and with inventiveness on both herself and Xander any chance she gets. Xander has learned to anticipate the arrival of the mailman with both excitement and dread.
Xander: see above. Truth be told, he rather enjoys Anya's constant search for new experiences... although he did draw the line when she bought one of those latex forming kits that allow you to take a mould of your partner's penis and turn it into a dildo. The idea of potentially coming home to find his disembodied dick lying on the duvet was just too much for him.
Cordelia used $200 of her Christmas money one year to buy a Petit Ami stainless steel vibrator. After moving to LA she tried selling it on E-Bay; the highest offer was $35 until she rewrote the ad to mention that the toy was pre-used, and in the end she sold it for enough to pay her rent for a month.
Oz owns two buttplugs and a set of anal beads. He never once mentioned them to Willow, though - not because he was embarrassed (Oz doesn't do embarrassed) but because he thought they would freak her out too much.
Angelus regarded the entire world as his sex toy. Once he got his soul, he didn't masturbate again for one hundred years.
Spike likes to fetishise over possessions of his lovers, girlfriends or objects of unrequited lust. If you want to know why Miss Edith wears a blindfold, it's because Drusilla got jealous over the idea that the doll would see Spike naked.
Oh, and also? The Buffybot. Enough said.
Giles owns a small collection of Mayfairs and Men Onlys from the 1970s, which he keeps behind a 17th century treatise on swordsmanship in his study. He doesn't actually look at them very often because he has every page memorised.
Wesley once bought a blow-up doll from a catalogue, but it sprang a leak and deflated rather suddenly and painfully when he tried using it. That was before he moved to LA and became cool, of course.
Faith doesn't masturbate. No, seriously. When she gets the itch, there's always some guy willing to scratch it for her. The dumb ones will even pay for drinks and buy her presents for the privilege of getting fucked over. Of course, she'd angrily deny it if you suggested she was too screwed up and self-loathing to be able to relax and enjoy playing with herself. But the first time Faith ever got herself off? Was in a prison cell, awaiting trial.
Tara has never used a vibrator, although she has let Willow use one on her to see what it was like.
Dawn borrowed Willow's computer one day to find that she'd "accidentally forgotten" to clear her browser cache, and there was an online sex shop in her 'back' button. (Coincidentally, it was the same one Willow had introduced Buffy to a few years earlier). Dawn spent the next few days hurrying down to the front door each morning before Buffy got there - not that she was embarrassed about her purchase as such, she was just certain her sister would totally freak out and perhaps even confiscate the toy.
Riley enjoys a cold shower every morning.
Feel free to suggest anyone I've missed. :-)