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Another drabble

4th January 2007 (00:11)

Yes I admit, this is a rather silly, and incredibly obscure concept. And anyone who hasn’t read my recent essay on Season 4 will probably be wondering what on earth it’s all about. (Those who have read it may well be wondering the same thing, but for different reasons…). But it’s one of those ideas that just insisted on being written.  It's kinda-sorta Buffyverse related, in a way.

If ever before thou didst hear my voice afar

The autumn moon silvers the leaves in the olive-groves banked like clouds above Mytilene. A slave sets out the golden bowl of water, then hurries away as his mistress dismisses him.

Her expression is tight, determined. Slender white fingers brush the lock of hair wrapped around her knife, gently as a kiss; then lift the flawless dove from its cage. The knife glints coldly.

Blood stains the clear water in the bowl.

As she begins chanting, her eyes cool to solid, hard black. Her voice flattens as she summons her goddess.

"Immortal Aphrodite of the broidered throne, daughter of Zeus..."


Posted by: hobgoblinn (hobgoblinn)
Posted at: 4th January 2007 01:45 (UTC)

Wow-- nice images in so contained a space. Well done! But absolutely incomprehensible with out the essay.... Having read it, though, I can see the connection. Like the 2nd paragraph particularly.

Posted by: StephenT (stormwreath)
Posted at: 5th January 2007 12:08 (UTC)

Thanks! The thing about 100-word stories is that you can, and indeed should, polish every word of them... try that with a full-length novel and you'd never get past page 3...

For example, I added 'gently as a kiss' at the last minute, because I wasn't sure it was clear enough before that the lock of hair was from her intended beloved... but that meant taking out a reference to the dove struggling in her grip - which I'd wanted to draw a parallel between this and Willow killing the faun in 'Bargaining 1'. But then I saved four words from somewhere else, and so could put in a reference to the knife reflecting the moonlight - which in turn makes the dove's death sinister and implied rather than dramatic and on-camera.

Personally I like the image in the first paragraph best, although I'll confess to not knowing whether there are, in fact, hills with olive groves around Mytilene - or even if that city even existed in 590 BC or so...

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